Many were asking for the poem that John Long recited as his party piece for the Bachelor of the Festival. Here it is:
In Johnnys Dreams!’
I’m just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be,
My family are average folk, that’ll how I turned out to be.
I go to work each day, do my bit and collect my pay,
But in the night I dread the bed, these dreams won’t go away!
For in my dreams I’m dressed, in a g string and a bow,
There are chickens dressed in garter belts, oh feck boys here we go!
One pretty lady’s getting bootylicious on my lap.
But God forbid I touch it or she’ll land me with a slap!
So like I said I’m just a guy, as lonesome as can be,
But I think my problems started, from a fall when I was three.
My uncle Pat and Auntie Sadie, dropped me on the head,
And now I dream of Hippos, riding naked in my bed!
Shur, I’d love to have a girlfriend, but it just never works out,
When I tell them of my fantasies, they scream and roar and shout.
Jesus Johnny you’re a physco, and a pervert and a shit,
So sorry my dearest darling, but could you grow some bigger tits!
I guess this is my lot in life, If you can’t beat them you must join,
I guess at least they’re only dreams, and they don’t cost a dime.
So if at night you hear me, dreaming loudly in my sleep,
Just think that lucky buggers shagging strippers in his sleep.
Someday I’d love to marry, settle down and find a wife,
I know these dreams and fantasies, will not improve my life.
So ladies if you see me, hanging out in Riordans bar,
Don’t be scared, I’m only Johnny, I could be your lucky star!!!!