Many were asking for the poem that John Long recited as his party piece for the Bachelor of the Festival. Here it is:

In Johnnys Dreams!’

By Johnny Long and Pat Murray

1

I’m just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be,

My family are average folk, that’ll how I turned out to be.

I go to work each day, do my bit and collect my pay,

But in the night I dread the bed, these dreams won’t go away!

2

For in my dreams I’m dressed, in a g string and  a bow,

There are chickens dressed in garter belts, oh feck boys here we go!

One pretty lady’s getting bootylicious on my lap.

But God forbid I touch it or she’ll land me with a slap!

3

So like I said I’m just a guy, as lonesome as can be,

But I think my problems started, from a fall when I was three.

My uncle Pat and Auntie Sadie, dropped me on the head,

And now I dream of Hippos, riding naked in my bed!

4

Shur, I’d love to have a girlfriend, but it just never works out,

When I tell them of my fantasies, they scream and roar and shout.

Jesus Johnny you’re a physco, and a pervert and a shit,

So sorry my dearest darling, but could you grow some bigger tits!

5

I guess this is my lot in life, If you can’t beat them you must join,

I guess at least they’re only dreams, and they don’t cost a dime.

So if at night you hear me, dreaming loudly in my sleep,

Just think that lucky buggers shagging strippers in his sleep.

6

Someday I’d love to marry, settle down and find a wife,

I know these dreams and fantasies, will not improve my life.

So ladies if you see me, hanging out in Riordans bar,

Don’t be scared, I’m only Johnny, I could be your lucky star!!!!