John Longs Poem

Many were asking for the poem that John Long recited as his party piece for the Bachelor of the Festival. Here it is:

In Johnnys Dreams!’


By Johnny Long and Pat MurrayJohn Long


I’m just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be,

My family are average folk, that’ll how I turned out to be.

I go to work each day, do my bit and collect my pay,

But in the night I dread the bed, these dreams won’t go away!


For in my dreams I’m dressed, in a g string and  a bow,

There are chickens dressed in garter belts, oh feck boys here we go!

One pretty lady’s getting bootylicious on my lap.

But God forbid I touch it or she’ll land me with a slap!


So like I said I’m just a guy, as lonesome as can be,

But I think my problems started, from a fall when I was three.

My uncle Pat and Auntie Sadie, dropped me on the head,

And now I dream of Hippos, riding naked in my bed!


Shur, I’d love to have a girlfriend, but it just never works out,

When I tell them of my fantasies, they scream and roar and shout.

Jesus Johnny you’re a physco, and a pervert and a shit,

So sorry my dearest darling, but could you grow some bigger tits!


I guess this is my lot in life, If you can’t beat them you must join,

guess at least they’re only dreams, and they don’t cost a dime.

So if at night you hear me, dreaming loudly in my sleep,

Just think that lucky buggers shagging strippers in his sleep.


Someday I’d love to marry, settle down and find a wife,

know these dreams and fantasies, will not improve my life.

So ladies if you see me, hanging out in Riordans bar,

Don’t be scared, I’m only Johnny, could be your lucky star!!!!

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Community Website to promote Coachford and to let those who are away from home know what is happening in the beautiful village of Coachford.
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